Divorce, A Dilemma

Divorce, though regarded as a social evil, is gaining in popularity and its awareness amongst people has increased. While we discuss marriage and its importance in life, we also need to talk about divorce as an option to men and women who are in an unhappy marriage. For Indians, the wedding ritual is meant to tie the couple together for seven lifetimes. The idea of marriage is such a binding institution that there isn’t even a Hindi word for divorce.

While in most western nations there are almost 15 reasons for divorce, in India only 5 major reasons can be cited for grounds of divorce. These are adultery, desertion, cruelty, chronic disease and impotency. Most couples who begin a divorce are unprepared and are often not even within the same frame of mind when they begin. It is this lack of preparedness and readiness for a divorce that causes divorces to deteriorate into competitive contests. The decision to obtain a divorce is one of the most crucial decisions a person can make with consequences that last for years or a lifetime. A decision this important requires much greater attention than it is usually given by both couples and professionals.

Couples who are facing the possibility of a divorce face one of three dilemmas. One, they are not sure whether the decision to obtain a divorce is the right decision considering the challenges they will have to face financially, emotionally and socially. The second dilemma that they face is the one where only one of the partners is interested in a divorce. The other partner in this scenario experiences intense emotional devastation. In addressing this dilemma, the question that needs to be answered is if the marriage is based on false assumptions and illusions. It is not easy to acknowledge and confront the problems in a marriage. The third and final kind of dilemma that a person faces is to apply for a divorce because the marriage is not working. In such cases it is very easy for the couples to play the blame game and the divorce proceedings that follow will be riddled with tension and conflict, and a continuation of the blaming.

For divorce to be a collaborative and respectful process, the couple must be prepared and ready to separate their lives on all levels; legally, practically and emotionally. To do this, each person must face their divorce dilemma by being truthful to themselves and facing their most basic fears.