What makes people friends?

Most of us have several good friends and many of us have one or two special friends to whom we are particularly close. Often, we remain friends with them for a very long time. It is not unknown for very elderly people to be still in regular touch with people with whom they were at primary school.

What forms the basis of such a close relationship? Obviously, circumstances will vary, but friendships are often based on the fact that two people have something in common with each other. They may both play football, they may both play a musical instrument, they may both belong to a drama club, and so on. Their hobby forms some common ground and they move on from there.

Proximity often plays an important part in friendship. Two classmates may become friends after sitting next to each other in school class. Two workmates may form a friendship after discovering that they have much in common outside as well as inside the workplace.

Then neighbours, or the children of neighbours, often become friends, originally just because of proximity. It is very handy to have your best friend just a stone’s throw away. You can pop in for a chat at any time, to share the joy of good news or to be comforted over the tragedy of bad news.

Similarly, people often start a friendship with someone with whom they travel to and from work or school every day. Friendship may develop as they stand complaining about the lateness of the bus or train. It may then develop further in the course of many shared journeys spent exchanging opinions and experiences.

These, then, are some of the ways that people find possible friends. Shared experiences are likely to bind people together fairly closely, but generally a person must have some qualities that we value if a friendship with them is likely to endure. What might some of these qualities be?

Most of us rate loyalty highly in our friends. If something bad happens in our lives or if people mistreat or injure us, we need to have people that we can turn to for support. We expect our friends to stand by us unquestioningly in our hour of need. The last thing we need is for our friends to let us down and even betray us. We need to be sure of their fidelity.

Close friendship can only exist in an atmosphere of trust. Both people in the friendship must be able to have absolute faith in the honesty and sincerity of the other person in the relationship. For example, we must have confidence that our friends will keep their word and will always do what they promise to do.

The ability to keep a secret often plays an important part in close friendships. Many of us tell our best friend’s information which we regard as confidential and secret. Sometimes we tell our close friends about things that we do not even tell to close members of our family. We trust that the friends whom we have treated as confidants will keep this information to themselves. If any of them divulged any of the secrets to anyone else, we would be very upset.

Friendship is a very precious thing. Without it we can feel very much alone. Having people with whom we can share our life experiences, both sad and happy, enriches our lives.