Why it is sometimes better not to tell the truth

Most of us are taught in childhood that we should tell the truth at all times. Yet, most of us, when we get to adulthood, do not always obey this early teaching. Are we doing wrong in ignoring this or are there times when it is better not to tell the truth? Obviously, in most circumstances, it is important to be totally honest, but I feel that there are exceptions.

The occasions when I think it is allowable not to tell the truth almost all concern saving someone from having an unpleasant feeling. We have all experienced situations when to be frank or truthful would be to hurt someone, sometimes very badly. In such situations, I feel that it is all right to tell a lie.

Some of the situations may seem fairly trivial. For example, you might meet a friend who has just come from the hairdressing salon, having had her hair cut quite drastically in a new style. She might well ask you if you like her new look and you may well think that it is not attractive-quite the reverse. Should you tell her the truth about your attitude to her new hairstyle?

Given the fact that it is obviously too late to do anything about it, I don’t think so. She might be feeling rather nervous about her new style and might even be having second thoughts about it. It could damage her self-esteem if you tell her what you really think. If you are too blunt, it might well damage your friendship. I think it is better to tell a white lie and say that you like it, although you can always salve your conscience a bit by not being too enthusiastic about the hairstyle.

Sometimes, the circumstances in which a lie may be appropriate are a bit more serious. You might, for example, happen to be at a large party where a friend’s boyfriend is one of the guests. Your friend is not present because she is away at a conference. You cannot help noticing that your friend’s boyfriend is with a very attractive young woman to whom he is behaving rather amorously, although he has not noticed you.

Unfortunately, your friend asks you if you saw her boyfriend at the party and if he was with anyone. Do you tell your friend the truth? It may well be better not to do so.

For all you know, there may be an innocent explanation for the boyfriend’s behaviour, but if you tell your friend what you have seen, it may damage the relationship between her and her boyfriend and also between you and her. It may seem very disloyal to your friend, but it might well be best in these circumstances to say that there were a lot of people at the party and you did not notice her boyfriend. If he is being unfaithful to her in such a blatant way, then she is going to find out in the very near future anyway.

There are some very serious circumstances when it may well be preferable not to tell the blunt truth. For example, you may have been with a friend when she died a very slow, painful death. Since relatives always find comfort in the fact that a loved one has had a pain-free, peaceful death, I think it is better not to tell them the truth about the circumstances of her death.

Everyone has to make up their minds about whether the circumstances justify a lie or not. Often, it depends on whether you want to prevent someone from experiencing some kind of pain.